


Willing

by mansikka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in the Bunker, First Dates, Fluff, Human Castiel, M/M, Shy Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:56:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6861772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the human emotions Cas has come to experience, feeling nervous might be his least favourite. But he's going to overcome it - pretend it isn't happening, really - because he has to.</p><p>He is going to ask Dean out on a date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Willing

Of all the human emotions Cas has come to experience for himself, nervousness is probably the one that leaves him with the strangest of sensations.

He lays a hand on his stomach at the fluttering he feels there that Dean calls butterflies, can hear the dryness of his throat as he swallows, and wills the thready beating of his heart to calm.

There is, in theory, he tells himself, next to no reason for him to be nervous at all. He has researched, thoroughly, and since he first got to grips with the laptop Sam and Dean had presented him with as a moving in gift when he'd officially moved in, Google has become a most loyal friend.

Not, he hastens to add to himself, then wonders why he feels the need to do that, that he can't turn to his real friends for help if he needs to.

Dean. Sam. Jody. Donna. The kind woman at the library he likes to go to in Lawrence, and the bookstore owner just a couple of doors down from there; they are his friends too, in a way.

Claire should also be on that list, because in an odd way, she is a friend of sorts. Even if he was wearing the face of her father. Even if in this scenario, she would absolutely not be of help.

In fact, besides Dean, Claire would in fact be the very last person on the list he'd consider asking for help with this. Not for something personal like this, anyway. He almost crumbles in on himself at the thought of the teasing he'd receive from her if he did.

No, he shakes his head to himself, banishing the images of Claire laughing hysterically at him, absolutely not for this.

He is going to ask Dean out on a date.

***

Dean is the most incredible thing that Cas has experienced in his entire existence.

It isn't just that Dean has been extra kind to him since he's fallen and become human, although Dean really has been very kind about that. Patient, understanding, the voice of reason when Cas finds himself a little hysterical at all there is to learn about humanity from a very human perspective.

It's been several months now, and Cas still glows under Dean's praise that he is doing so well figuring out all these things that are so very strange to him, even after viewing them from the other side for so long.

Dean has been wonderful, not that Cas would ever be able to say that word to Dean's face without seeing the tips of his ears glowing bright red with embarrassment. Cas had used the word once, back before he fell, and Dean's entire head seemed to turn crimson as he carefully looked away and schooled Cas in the words he'd feel less weirded-out by. Which weren't many, and Cas had been part exasperated and part endeared by his reaction.

No, it isn't that, really, at least, not that alone.

Dean makes him happy. He is accepting, never pushes too far unless it is really needed, and although Cas could tell Dean still wanted to bundle him up and keep him safe at times, Dean never makes him feel inadequate, or like a burden.

It also doesn't hurt that Cas is very, very attracted to Dean, even after all this time.

Cas feels a certain stirring in reaction to the idle thoughts that he has allowed to wander, and reins it all back in, willing himself to calm.

This is difficult enough as it is.

So what had Google told him about the phenomenon that is dating?

Well, he's already done the first part. He's thought very carefully about where he wants to take Dean, what he thinks he would like them to do together.

There is an open evening at this tiny vintage car museum he saw a flyer for in the library, and judging from the website it would be perfect for Dean. There would be lots of models of cars exhibited, lots of car enthusiasts to speak to, and probably lots of technical information about engines and things Dean pretends he doesn't know much about but secretly is already well-versed in.

That is Plan One.

Plan Two is simple. On the corner of the street where Cas' library is, is this burger place Dean keeps casting an eye over whenever they pass it, but so far hasn't found time to stop at. Burgers might not be on the list of those 'fancy' date locations to eat at suggested by the internet. But Cas thinks of Dean's enthusiastic enjoyment of his last burger, and somehow can't picture the same thing happening in a French or Italian restaurant where Dean would, wrongly, of course, feel out of place.

Plan Three he knows is leaning towards romantic, but maybe if parts one and two go okay, he'll get to that too.

Cas smiles to himself, feeling his cheeks heat a little, and runs his hands nervously down his thighs.

There's that word again. Nervous. He doesn't like it.

Clearing his throat, Cas recites from his mental list, and his heart gives out one loud, hard thud in sudden realisation.

Because what if he might be entirely mistaken? What if Dean didn't want this? What if he hated the idea? What if he said no?

Cas feels like he's been punched in the gut: what if he really was wrong about this, and Dean wasn't willing to go on a date with him? The pain is so intense in that moment, that he has to sit down quickly on the end of his bed, and take big gulps of air to calm himself.

When he's breathing steadier he allows himself to think rationally about this, and then is almost overcome with relief. He doesn't have to actually call it a date at all, he reminds himself. Google told him that. He can ask Dean out in a noncommittal kind of way, and if it seems like Dean is enjoying himself he can, perhaps, reveal that it is in fact a date, and not just a casual evening out together.

Cas likes that plan, lets it calm him further, and breathes out a sigh of relief.

***

With sudden determination, Cas springs back to his feet, and while he's feeling a burst of confidence he yanks the door of his room open and goes in search of Dean.

Cas comes to an abrupt, skidding halt as he rounds the corner of the library on socked feet, and finds Dean bent over a book in clear fascination.

He takes a moment to just watch Dean, smiling to himself. He could happily watch Dean all day long and would never tire of it, would never grow bored, or run out of things to discover about him as he watched.

Dean is, without a doubt, the most fascinating thing of Cas' entire existence.

But Dean has never remained unaware of Cas' stare for too long, and after just a couple of minutes of just watching, Cas sees Dean's head slowly lift and turn in his direction, as though he can feel Cas' gaze on him.

And Cas' breath catches once again.

"'Sup, Cas?" He hears, and feels his face split into an immediate grin.

Cas nods, feeling his nervousness both surge and slip away in the presence of Dean.

Dean looks back at him curiously with a small smile curling up his mouth. "You okay?"

Cas nods again, shuffling slightly on the spot. He takes a small breath. Another. Another, until he's calm enough to look up.

"I would like us to go out this evening, Dean."

Cas is pleased that his words have come out calm, and that he's worded it in a way that makes it sound more like a statement than a question.

Dean's mouth curls wider, and he nods, just once. "Sounds good. Got somewhere in mind?"

"I do," Cas confirms, and this time when his heart starts fluttering, he finds he doesn't really mind.

A ripple across Dean's face that he quickly reins in tells Cas that he's trying hard not to chuckle, and Cas thinks to himself that he wouldn't even mind if he did.

Dean's deep, rumbling chuckle is one of many of Dean's laughs, and Cas is perhaps biased, when he thinks that each of them sound incredible. Any sound that means Dean is happy would sound magical to Cas, and quickly, before his mind wanders again, he clears his throat, turning to go.

"Gonna tell me where?" Dean asks, and the amusement in his voice has Cas blushing.

"It is a surprise," Cas tells the floor, because he's suddenly flushing with embarrassment.

"Okay," Dean says reasonably. "Am I telling Sam, or-"

"Just us," Cas tells him hastily, a little annoyed at himself for not making that clearer immediately. "I do not believe Sam would enjoy it," he adds, just to be clear.

Cas breathes out audibly in relief as Dean nods easily.

"What time do we need to leave?" Dean asks, and he's got that smile on his face that Cas could happily lose himself in, given half the chance.

"We should leave at 6:30,"

"We gonna grab something to eat?"

Cas thinks of the burger place and carefully controls his smile. "We will."

"'Kay. I'm gonna finish up here then head out for some stuff before then. Need anything?"

Cas shakes his head, and turns to leave, but pauses. "I would like to drive tonight, Dean,"

He watches as again, Dean nods easily.

"Sure."

And now Cas is really beaming. He knows Dean is in no way fond of his car, and that he feels it is somehow polluting the other cars in the garage merely by its presence. Yet he is agreeing to be a passenger in it, and perhaps that means that Dean already realises that tonight is important, and different to the normal time they spend together.

Cas nods once more, happily, and returns to his room to continue with his date preparations.

***

So far, Cas thinks to himself, his preparations for the date are going pretty well.

He knows where he's taking Dean, he knows the route, the time it will take to get there, factoring in all kinds of 'what if' scenarios that might cause them delays but ultimately will still get them there on time.

Dean has even already said yes. Even if the word date wasn't specifically said, it was implied. Wasn't it?

Cas physically bats away that imaginary doubt as though it is in the air in front of him, and goes over his list of what he needs to prepare for their evening.

He pulls a holdall out of the closet and feels inside, checking that the blankets he'd put in there earlier haven't magically disappeared. He doesn't know how late they will be out, and if they stop and talk for a while, as he hopes they will, well. He may as well be prepared for that.

He opens the drawer in the cabinet beside his bed and grabs a couple more things, tossing them in the bag too with a blush threatening his cheeks. Perhaps he's being far too prepared, far too presumptuous or just overly optimistic, but... he'd prefer to cover all eventualities. Just in case.

Cas pauses for a moment, pressing his fingertips to his chin as he thinks about if there is anything else he wants to take.

He smiles, opening another drawer and pulling out a small, plainly wrapped package. He runs a finger over its surface, grinning again to himself, puts that in the bag as well, then zips it up carefully.

He's covered supplies, and also a gift, and Cas thinks he's doing pretty well, even if he does say so himself.

Next, after checking the time and working out how long he needs, Cas decides on a short nap. He doesn't often sleep in the afternoon because it makes him feel a little disoriented. But if he factors in taking a shower, and making time for coffee, he's sure he'll be okay. The excitement he feels coiling in his belly about the evening ahead will probably be more than enough to keep him alert, he thinks, as he sets an alarm on his phone so that he doesn't oversleep.

***

Cas wakes before his alarm, feeling refreshed, and thankfully not especially groggy.

He grabs a new bottle of shower gel from the side and smiles at it; he knows this is the one that Dean likes because he saw him sniffing at it when they were out grocery shopping last week. He also knew that Dean wouldn't buy it for himself, because he already had his own personal favourite, and for a moment Cas loses himself in the memory of the scent that is so particularly Dean.

He catches himself before his mind wanders too far yet again, as it always does when it comes to Dean, and heads out of his room. He takes a long, relaxing shower, wandering back to his room much later with a cup of coffee curled in his fingers and only a towel around his hips, enjoying the way his skin tingles in the coolness of the air.

He takes a moment to towel dry his hair, and then works his fingers through it, attempting but already knowing he's going to fail to get it into any kind of order. He doesn't think Dean will mind; he's seen him smirking at his hair often enough and doesn't think it was ever in a bad way. At least he hopes it wasn't.

Nervousness wicks through him again out of nowhere, and Cas tightly curls his fingers into his towel as he pulls it off, forcing himself to calm.

What if he's got this entirely wrong, he asks himself again, wishing suddenly that he had discussed this idea with someone who would perhaps know the right thing to say, or give him some advice, or reassurance.

Cas wonders for a moment if he should speak to Sam, but then pictures how much worse his mocking would actually be than Claire's, and quickly decides he'll just have to talk himself out of it.

Cas orders himself calm, taking a few breaths to steady himself, and decides that he is better.

For a few moments Cas stands there in the middle of the room, slowly sipping at his coffee, feeling its familiar warmth and flavour serve to calm him a little more. Then he's pushing the cup on to his desk, and unwrapping the towel from his waist, draping it over the back of a chair.

Determinedly walking back over to his closet, he quickly pulls on underwear and a pair of jeans that he thinks will go well with the shirt he's picked out for the evening. Holding the shirt up, Cas remembers the way Dean's eyes had travelled over the shirt when he last wore it, and finds himself swallowing rapidly, hoping to see that look again very soon.

When he's fully dressed, he picks up the bag, walks through the bunker to the kitchen, drops in a couple of bottles of water and after a moment's hesitation, a bag of the chips he knows Dean really likes into the holdall as well, zipping it up once more and taking it down to the car.

He's just closing the trunk lid when he hears the familiar rumble of the Impala in the distance, and quickly disappears back inside the bunker again, diving back into his room and out of sight.

He checks the time, pacing, then sitting, then standing awkwardly before sitting again. No more than five minutes have passed, and he still has ages until the time he agreed with Dean, and with a soft huff to himself, he sits down at his desk, spinning idly on his chair.

Time is cruelly slow. He imagines Dean getting ready and has to quickly chase those thoughts away once more. He wonders what Dean might wear, not that anything in particular would be any different than normal; Dean is the most beautiful human being Cas has ever seen, and even when he is broken and bruised, he still somehow manages to look incredible to Cas.

Cas hears blushing like a schoolgirl and one track mind in his mind, and chides himself all over again.

How should he do this, Cas asks himself then. Should he wait for Dean out in the communal area of the bunker? Knock on his bedroom door? He quickly disregards the idea of holding the car door open for him, since he can only imagine the look Dean will give him if he even tries.

Cas wants to do this right, wants it to be perfect for Dean. He knows that Dean has probably been on more dates than Cas even wants to think of, and laughs at himself for the cool coil of jealousy at the thought that snakes through him then.

He is going on a date with Dean. Tonight. There is absolutely no need to be dwelling on things neither of them can change.

Cas turns to his faithful friend, Google, for any last minute advice, losing himself there for a while. His eyes flit repeatedly to the clock in the corner, and when he can't wait any longer, he leaps up, smooths himself down, and settles on the decision to wait for Dean out in the main area.

Sam is there, and they speak for a few minutes, with Cas continually glancing away from him and evidently not paying too much attention, waiting for the first glimpse of Dean.

Cas doesn't notice the bemused looks Sam is giving him at all, especially when Dean finally appears, looking as he always does and making Cas' breath catch all over again.

Because Dean, as always, is perfect.

Dean glances over him slowly, and Cas holds perfectly still; surely he's not mistaken by the want, and approval he sees there in Dean's eyes?

With a final breath to steady himself, Cas pushes to his feet from where he'd propped himself at the end of the table, tilts his head over to the door for the garage, and wordlessly asks if Dean is ready.

Dean's smile is so warm, and so wide at him then, that Cas feels himself sway a little where he stands. But he breathes calm, and slow, and wills himself ready, gesturing for them to leave.

***

The journey on the way to the car exhibition at the museum is pleasant, full of easy conversation and general observations out of the window at the things they pass. Dean laughs at Cas' attempts at jokes, telling him he's getting so much better at them, and the delight in Dean's eyes when Cas understands his jokes somehow makes Cas feel even more proud.

When they pull up and Dean sees where they are, that delighted grin just takes over his entire face. He climbs out of the car eagerly, and when Cas walks around to his side of the car, he rests his hand on the small of Dean's back to guide him towards the entrance. Dean's smile then almost takes his breath away, and when Cas lets his hand linger, for as long as possible, Dean doesn't pull away once.

The exhibition is a success. Cas watches Dean carefully as they walk around, happy to follow wherever Dean leads. His enthusiasm is almost leaping from his skin, and Cas feels so much pride for Dean, so much contentment at seeing Dean so very in his element, that he knows full well he is grinning idiotically.

Not that he cares.

Cas watches Dean talk easily with other enthusiasts, joining in on occasion and turning away so his affectionate laugh isn't evident when Dean begins an emphatic argument about why his particular model of Impala will always, always, be the best one.

What Cas loves even more than seeing Dean so very happy, is all the little touches between them as they walk around. Small brushes of fingers, gentle gripping of arms, full leaning in sometimes when they are peering over engines and Dean wants to explain something to Cas that he finds interesting.

Once, when the back of their hands brush accidentally together when walking and Cas flexes his fingers almost unconsciously, Dean looks down curiously at his hand. His eyes raise slowly, drifting all the way up Cas' body and stopping only when they reach Cas' own eyes, fixing him with a look that is part amusement, part heat.

At least, that's how Cas chooses to interpret the look.

***

Because the museum is really very tiny, the exhibition isn't really that big at all. But it has enough to keep them occupied for more than an hour, and Cas is pretty sure from Dean's expression that he is happy with all that he has seen.

Cas takes a moment to be thankful that Part One of the evening has been such a success.

When they climb back into the car, Dean turns to him as though he is about to say something. But then his stomach rumbles, loudly, and they both laugh, and instead of whatever he might have been about to say, Cas starts the engine, telling Dean that they will be eating soon.

When they pull up outside the burger bar, Dean's eyes glance up at the sign, then back at Cas with an even wider smile for him than when they had pulled up at the museum.

They slide in to a booth, and both pick up a menu; Cas is surprised to find that there are only five choices of burger since he expected so many more from a place that only sells burgers. Dean smiles, and tells him that it is a good sign, because it means they must specialise rather than generalise.

The images on the menu do look very good, Cas thinks, feeling his own stomach growling suddenly, and is very eager to find out if Dean is right.

Dean tells him what he wants to eat, and Cas feels him watching him as he gives their order to the waitress, adding various sides to the order that he knows Dean will like. He turns back to find Dean's smile hitch a little wider, and drops his gaze away instantly with a blush.

Drinks follow pretty quickly, and Cas can finally do something non-constructive with his nervous-again fingers, by plucking and fraying at the label on the beer bottle until there is a pile of shredded pieces on the table.

Dean's eyes glance over the mess he's making but doesn't comment.

Their easy conversation continues, but it's a little different now, face to face, pressed in close together in this small booth that means there's no way for their knees not to be nudging. Cas knows that he is fidgeting with his nervousness, and he is reminded of that when Dean clamps Cas' knee between his to still him, and fixes him with a smirk.

Cas' cheeks flood crimson, and he nods, feeling a small sense of loss as Dean loosens his grip on him beneath the table.

The burgers are excellent. Cas watches as Dean bites in to his, and that moan that follows has Cas turn almost to stone as he stares, slightly open-mouthed. He feels that stirring he felt earlier in the evening that, in truth, never really went away. He knows it's irrational, but he's sure his throat has gone dry, and it's only when Dean raises an eyebrow at him questioningly because he hasn't yet started to eat himself, that Cas realises he's been holding his breath.

Cas must make some kind of noise of enjoyment, or something, himself when he does get round to starting, because he notices Dean stop mid-chew, his eyes blown wide, and when he eventually swallows, it seems like very hard work.

Dean gets his own back, unintentionally; just a moment later some of the sauce from his burger overspills on to his finger, and he quickly slips his finger into his mouth, sucking it clean. Cas feels a ringing in his ears and a definite catch in his throat, and he slowly lowers his burger back down to his plate, because his fingers are trembling.

Dean's smirk grows ever wider, and he takes a sip of his beer before grinning wolfishly back at him.

Cas feels very, very lost all of a sudden.

“You okay, Cas?”

Cas shakes his head to clear it when he sees the look of concern on Dean's face; clearly he's looked startled for longer than he actually felt it. He smiles back in reassurance, nudging the plate with the remainder of the fries towards Dean, telling him to finish them.

When they both have finished, Dean leans back in his seat with a contented sigh, pressing a hand over his very full stomach. Cas slumps back a little himself, feeling that this meal, too, has been a success.

“We're definitely coming here again,” Dean tells him, and Cas nods to show he agrees, smiling back at him happily.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, and Cas takes that opportunity to go over his mental date list, ticking off a load of virtual boxes to make sure he's still getting things right.

When he's sure that Dean is ready, Cas signals for the bill, and pays without even hesitating; he thinks that it's pride that Dean is glowing with when he looks at him, because Dean is always so very proud of every human thing Cas does for himself.

Cas thinks about that for a moment.

He is, or was, an angel of the lord. A frankly huge, powerful being, with almost infinite knowledge about things that humans could not even consider, let alone comprehend. He doesn't think these things because he feels better, or superior, to Dean at all; it's more that he still finds himself continually surprised by how much more there is still to know, that he had never considered he would need, or want to.

He's happy he's got Dean there to teach him so many of these things.

“Where to, Cas?” he hears, as they slide back into his car.

Cas turns to see Dean looking back at him expectantly and gives a small smile in response.

“Another surprise?” Dean asks, his voice hitching to show he's happy with whatever Cas wants to do.

So Cas doesn't really answer, instead just starts up the car, and steers them out on to the road.

There's silence in the car now, and it feels like it's laced with anticipation. Everything so far this evening, this day in fact, has gone almost entirely to plan. Cas is both relieved and pleased about that, allowing himself a little pride that he's got everything right so far.

He turns off down a barely-there track, feeling Dean's eyes on his face, but doesn't look around. Cas has been to this place he's taking Dean a total of three times before now, and each time on his own. He likes the quiet, the space to think, the feeling of being absolutely alone in the middle of nowhere. It reminds him of how very tiny he now is in the scheme of the universe, and rather than finding it frightening, the thought empowers him.

Cas brings the car to a stop, and cuts the engine, pausing for only a moment before climbing out. Dean follows silently, seconds later, watching as Cas retrieves the bag from the trunk and tilts his chin in the direction he wants them to go.

Dean willingly walks beside him, taking a look at their surroundings for himself.

"I always forget how open this place can be," he says, and to Cas it feels as though Dean is speaking to him and himself.

After a couple of minutes of walking, Cas brings them to a stop. Dean watches as Cas sets the bag down on the floor and shakes out a blanket for them to sit on. Cas sits, extending a hand out to Dean to guide him to sit beside him.

The moment Dean is down, his hands are gently cradling Cas' face and pulling him in for a kiss that starts out with barely a press of their lips together, and then turns into something altogether warmer.

When he pulls back, he can't help grinning at the strange expression on Cas' face, that's somewhere between very pleased and very confused.

"Dean. I believe I am supposed to wait until the end of the evening to ask for permission to kiss you," he says, worried as though he has got something wrong.

Dean lets his head drop back and lets out that warm, rich chuckle that Cas loves to hear so much. He can't seem to help himself from reaching for Cas yet again, and kissing him slow, and long.

When they pull away this time, Dean threads his fingers through Cas', and Cas watches with a small smile on his face as Dean raises their entwined hands, kissing every one of Cas' knuckles, keeping eye contact with him the entire time.

"Cas," Dean says, his voice tinged with amusement, and what Cas has come to recognise as a kind of affection that is reserved only for him. "We are way, way past the point of you having to ask permission to do anything to me,"

For some reason this statement, while nothing but true, makes Cas blush furiously. "I wanted to do this for you," he mumbles shyly, earning himself another light kiss in reward.

"And I appreciate it. Honestly. This whole night's been perfect," Dean says, smiling at Cas with such warmth that it makes Cas' breath catch to see it.

"But?" Cas prompts, fearing now's the time he'll realise he's forgotten something vital.

Dean shakes his head, leaning over and nuzzling their noses together before dropping a kiss on Cas' cheek. "But nothing," he says, still with that impossibly happy smile.

Cas basks in it, letting himself sag a little in relief. "I wasn't sure you would even want to," he admits, his blush standing out vividly under the pale moonlight of this clear, crisp Kansas night.

Dean laughs softly as he asks, "Want to what?"

"Go on a date with me," Cas says, extra shy this time, and finding he can't even look Dean in the eye.

Cas feels a soft knuckle just beneath his chin and allows Dean to use it to tilt his head back up, swallowing awkwardly as he does.

"Firstly," Dean says, and Cas catches a small ripple of laughter reigned in across Dean's lips before he continues. "I would date you every and any day of the week,"

Cas blushes even harder at the wink Dean gives him, and seeing that sets Dean off laughing again. Dean leans forward once more, cupping Cas' face for a second time and kissing him thoroughly until Cas is panting and breathless. It still amazes him how Dean can do that, even after he has been doing that all this long time.

"And secondly," Dean adds eventually, punctuating his words with more soft kisses, "I'm yours, Cas. I've been yours, for a long, long time now. Take it as a given that whatever you wanna do with me? I'm probably gonna wanna do with you as well."

Cas feels his smile splitting ridiculously and nods, winding his arms around Dean's neck as he shifts under Dean's own hands until he is straddled and sitting on Dean's lap.

"It is important to keep up traditions, Dean. We should not grow complacent with one another,"

The seriousness of Cas' statement has Dean fighting the urge to laugh again. The internet has opened Cas' eyes to many, many things, and Cas has become borderline obsessed with sites and videos offering how to advice. Dean finds himself blushing at some of the things he's caught Cas looking up; even if he's gotten his fair share of enjoyment out of Cas' extensive research, as he calls it.

He thinks he'll save explaining the difference between a date and a date night for another time though, given how important this evening has been to Cas.

Instead he just nods, smiles against Cas' lips and hums in agreement. Cas is pleased by that reaction, and kisses Dean in thanks.

"So this is where you disappear off to when you wanna think?" Dean asks, and Cas nods to confirm that. They have another spot they like to go to together on clear nights like this, but Cas sharing this place with him, Dean knows it is special. Cas can't seem to give enough of himself to Dean, as though he is somehow trying to compensate for all the things he used to be able to give him, but can't now.

That thought makes Dean a little sad, and a lot frustrated that Cas still feels the need to prove himself to him like this, but he bites it back, holds it in, and holds Cas that little bit tighter.

Dean tilts his head up, brushing his nose along the edge of Cas' ear before pressing a kiss there, and whispering into it. He feels the way Cas just beams to hear it, and momentarily has the wind knocked out of him by the force of Cas' kiss.

There is exactly one phrase that Dean knows in Enochian, just one. And it took him a long while of his own efforts at research, and his own stilling of courage before he could say it to Cas. He saves it for occasions like this, when he knows Cas needs to hear it most. Because they're not exactly the most wordy of guys normally, so when this is said out loud, they both know it's important.

Not that it isn't true, all of the time, and has been true, for what feels like always.

Dean hears it whispered back to him now, sounding so much better coming from Cas' lips than he feels he can ever master saying himself.

Cas presses him back until Dean is looking up at Cas framed by a canopy of stars.

Dean might be a little addicted to the way Cas kisses him like this; its possessive, and claiming, but it's also the closest to coming home Dean thinks he's ever felt.

Eventually, Cas pulls back, smiling down at him almost triumphantly before shifting and laying beside him, curling their fingers together. They stay staring up at the sky in silence, hearing the occasional sound off in the distance and feeling still, and calm.

Cas moves suddenly moments later, rummaging in his bag and pulling out a small brown paper package. He lays it on Dean's stomach where rolls back to watch him with a smile, with Dean's curiosity spiking at the blush that chases across Cas' cheeks once more.

With overly-careful fingers as though he is savouring the gift opening process, Dean folds back the paper until in his fingers he is holding a simple brown bracelet, with what looks like a complicated hand-woven fastening edged with two small dark beads, and a tiny silver charm looped and secured in a similar fashion on the other side.

"You do not need to wear it if you do not wish," Cas says hastily, and Dean smiles up at him, already sliding it over his wrist.

Dean holds his arm out for Cas to adjust the fastening, and then runs his fingers over the charm, recognising that it is something in Enochian. Dean raises his eyes to Cas' and waits expectantly.

"It is only an approximate translation. But it means belonging, and sanctuary."

Dean feels his throat thickening, because he knows it means more than that, even if he doesn't speak Enochian. He is a little overwhelmed by the rush of warmth he feels, and to hide it he quickly sits up, kisses Cas, and shifts him on to his back, smiling down at him as though he feels he has won every prize there has ever been to win.

"'Love and home'?" He offers as an amendment to the translation, holding his breath as he waits for Cas' response.

Cas' smile answers before his lips can form the words, but he eventually echoes them. "Love and home."

Beneath a canopy of stars and between a tangle of blankets, they find both.

  
  
  



End file.
